Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
