Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
