No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
