Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
