evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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