Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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