How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
