why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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