I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
