i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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