Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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