wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
