I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
