3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
