I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
