stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
