Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
