Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm at about main and main street
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
