i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
