I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
