Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
