Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
