Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
