i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
