Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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