She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
