She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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