I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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