I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
