dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
