I'm really into asian looking animals
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
