can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
