Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
