my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
