I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
