Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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