he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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