Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
