Sponge bath it is.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
