i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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