i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
