we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
