Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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