well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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