I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
