she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I want to fling myself into the sun
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
