He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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