why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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