I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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