some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
