How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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