i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
