you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
