The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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