It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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