...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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