Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
